Return to sender
I feel that i’m returning to where I came from, i’m leaving this journey of struggle with the mind and military to return to the journey of peace within me that comes before my interpretation. Returning to the thoughts I had of going back to university to become professionally recognized as a counsellor. Returning to what the universe wants from me. Returning to face fears i have put off for far too long. Returning the the source, or the sender from which I came.
The question is whether I am going to do it, but why and how..
Why
This is the bigger of the two, a better question is “what's at stake if i don't”
What's at stake is that i may never be able to work in a field of counselling legally where people need my help. I may never be able to make a living full time doing what i'm passionate about doing. I may never be able to live wherever and whenever i want due to restrictions of money or postings from the military. And as i write this i wonder if all of this possible just by building a company and blog without ever going to school.
Side thought
Maybe life is just pushing out of the military as a way to be more proactive with starting a personal development business, how does this feel? Warm in the belly.
How
I will use my resources, be crafty with money and side jobs like kickboxing and personal training and nutrition, i will do whatever it takes to be able to see my son grow up, and it won’t be at the cost of doing a job in the military i don’t like or have no passion for. It certainly won't be moving to another province just for the all mighty dollar. I can't tell you how many times i have heard this type of story and people ending up in regret later in their lives. I’ve studied longevity and one of the greatest things to human life is living a life of purpose and meaning. As an infj personality type this is getting stronger as i get older. My life just isn't about me , it's about how i can help others .
Fears
Damn right there are fears, but i just keep remembering what's at stake, i cannot lose my son again, and i cannot follow senseless orders from people in undeserving positions of power just because they have a rank. I cannot be told where i'm going to live and when i'm going to live there.
It’s time for action, look at the body of water and jump.